It seems like an odd thought to strike one, when thinking about video games, but here it is, what I've been guiding myself toward: I want to change the world. I know, odd, right? But it makes sense to me. It came to me when writing about my future development plans. But I think it had originally come to me far sooner, just not in so few words. I'd struggled, before, with trying to justify why I want to do this. I have other plans too, naturally. I want to start a clothing store. I want to make many people happy. I want to tell my stories. But most of all, I Want to change the world.
I've long labored under the impression there's nothing I can do. I'm just one young woman, what worth am I that I can do this? It may be the hours of work, the early waking up to do more work, and mass amounts of caffiene speaking, but I think, anymore, that answer is "a hell of a lot". After all, it only takes one person to plant an idea.
I've already had to fight, some, for my game ideas. My professor loves them, and he agrees with my goals. It's my classmates that don't understand, or maybe just don't care how I do. I have had too many questions about why my protagonist isn't pretty enough, for me to take any joy in answering them. In the end though, I think she's pretty. That alone is a strange thing, for at least in a physical sense she's a blatent self-insert. (There are NOT enough fat characters in video games that are not jokes, honestly.)
I've been asked just what I feel I have to prove. I think the time will come sooner than I think that I have to list out my reasons, bluntly, with the same freedom I feel with the relative anonymity of the internet. That scares me, I'm not going to lie. These are people I'm at least going to have to work with until I get my degree, and after that, it's a general public I'll have to answer to.
I do not have big ambitions, for all my ambitions are worldchanging. I know the way the world works at the moment. If I tried to change the world in a major studio, I would probably be squashed in the culture. I refuse to compromise my goals. This might make me a royal pain in the ass, but I still refuse to capitulate. I think I have important things to say, and with the way the world is going, I feel more and more that games are the way to do it.
Change, after all, often seems to start with the young.
Then again perhaps I'm a strange revolutionary in desiring my players to use their brains for a change and not handing things to them on a silver platter, yet I am NOT their adversary. Challenge, yes, unfair, no.
But that's for another time.
At any rate, that's what I want of my life. To change the world.
Can't say I don't dream big.
